True friends? -_______________________-"

I find myself staring at the clock and I don't even know why. Maybe its because 2010 isn't going the way I wanted it to go. I guess I shouldn't have high hopes about it. I thought that 2009 was bad enough already, that I already learned my lesson and that it would get better. I guess I was wrong. If I had to make a list of my worst days ever, today would be one of the tops. I felt that none of my friends liked me anymore. That they would start making fun of me. I wanted to cry, but I was at school. I didn't want to hear people asking me why I was crying. Because either way, I couldn't tell them why. I wanted to tell someone and vent it all out to, but there was no one I could trust. No one I could depend on to cheer me up. Sometimes I wonder if you can really find a true friend that wouldn't make fun of you. That would stop saying things that are none of their business. A friend that is always there through thick and thin, and through ups and downs. Pretty much a friend that you can depend on no matter what. I don't think I'm one of the lucky ones that would have a true friend. There are so many things that I want to say to my friends but I don't have the courage to say it. I feel like a person that doesn't really have friends. Just some that will forget her later on in life. If they were my friends they would know. They would know that I don't like jokes, they would know that I'm a very gullible person. They would know that I wouldn't take things lightly right now.. When everything in my life is all messed up. They would know. I guess they don't though, because I wasn't myself at the last 3 periods at school today. I guess they thought it was something else that was bothering me, but it was just them.